Heavyweight Champ Makes Punching Mascots Seem Cool Again


American boxing champ Deontay Wilder, proved again this week why his right hand is his sport’s most terrifying asset, when he brutally knocked down a charming cuddly mascot.

Breaking Down Language Barriers With The Power Of The Human Fist

The 32-year-old Bronze Bomber was promoting his upcoming fight on Nacion ESPN, the famous sport network’s Latino-centered channel.

Lacking a steady grasp on the Spanish language, Wilder was answering in English while the presenters delivered the show and posed questions to Deontay in their native tongue, through a translator.

This minor linguistic hiccup may have had a part to play in what the show’s junior researcher will surely rank as his as most painful day at work for a while.

It Was All Downhill From the Highlights

The show had focused heavily on a highlight reel of Wilder’s previous knockouts, with the man himself talking the viewer through the prominent punches that delivered him the prestigious WBC heavyweight belt.

After distancing himself from a potential mega-fight with fellow world champion Anthony Joshua next year, the presenters turned their attention to Wilder’s next opponent, Tyson Fury.

“I Want an Ice Cold Mocha on my Desk in Three Minutes Otherwise You’ll be in the Damn Suit”

Meanwhile, ten minutes into the segment and somewhere offstage the show’s (presumably) most junior researcher was blissfully ignorant of what was about to happen next.

Probably having a good day up until then, doing junior researcher things like fetching coffee and being shouted at, all of a sudden, he’s been dressed up in racially charged and lightly-padded mascot costume (sombrero, curly mustache, flip-flops) and shoved under the spotlights.

Beginning to wonder if his day could get any worse, he soon finds himself stood directly in front of six foot seven inches of solid muscle mass, shaped to resemble Deontay Wilder.

Safe, Sane, Consensual…

Initially the mascot appeared relieved as Wilder took out his frustration by first delivering a sweet and sexually-tense monologue to a dummy playing the role of his future foe, Fury.

“I’ve been waiting to fight you for a very long time baby, now we’re here”, Wilder promises the dummy, their lips millimeters apart.

The confused tension quickly evaporates when Wilder unleashes a flurry of punches on the dummy, sending it crashing to the floor.

Our protagonist in this story, Unnamed Junior Researcher, stands feet away and applauds the demonstration of strength shown by the champion.

All of a sudden the host of the show has turned Wilder’s attention towards the mascot costume (“I thought we were friends?”) and before the host can get halfway through his 3 count – he makes it to Uno – Wilder smashes his big right hand in to the face of the mascot costume, knocking him to the ground and dislodging the eye from the costume entirely.

After taking a 10-count, the show cuts to commercial.

Jaws On The Floor 

Two days later and ESPN are forced into releasing a statement ensuring the public that Junior Researcher did NOT end up with a shattered jaw, contrary to circulating reports.

Deontay took to Instagram to apologize in case of any injury caused and offered Junior Researcher tickets to his sellout fight on December 1st. All’s well that ends well, though after what little research I have personally conducted, Junior Researcher hasn’t been seen since.

Take a look at the full video and let us know what you think – was the costume padded enough to prevent injury from a heavyweight champions right hand?!

Skip to 10 minutes for the homo-erotic dummy talk and helpless mascot takedown.


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